What are the Signs of Attachment Trauma in Adults?
We often think of attachment trauma as something that solely impacts children. While this kind of trauma begins in childhood, it can have a heavy influence on your life as an adult—especially when it comes to healthy relationships.
Different types of attachment can form in childhood. They include avoidant, anxious, disorganized, and secure. Ideally, every child would be able to form a secure attachment with their parents or caregivers.
Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. With that in mind, let’s take a closer look at what attachment trauma really is and some of the common signs of it that can impact you as an adult.
What Is Attachment Trauma?
Children have basic needs from the moment they’re born. While your mind instantly goes to things like food, clothing, and shelter, the needs of a person go beyond that. Children need to feel safe and supported.
If a child doesn’t feel safe and secure with a parent or caregiver, it can create a disconnect in their bond with that person.
Some types of attachment trauma are more obvious than others. For example, if a child is being physically abused or neglected, it’s easy to see the major problems that can cause. Emotional abuse or neglect can be just as damaging, though, and aren’t always as easy to detect.
When a child experiences attachment trauma, they’re likely to develop insecure attachment styles. That can lead to feelings of anxiety, panic, and fear. Unfortunately, those feelings don’t always go away, even as that child grows into an adult.
Signs of Attachment Trauma
The biggest “red flag” that stems from attachment trauma is an inability to maintain healthy relationships. As an adult, it can be difficult to keep relationships if you have an insecure attachment style. Whenever you get into a romantic relationship, you might deal with extreme fear that your partner will leave or that you’ll do something to upset them. You might also worry that they’ll remain distant or won’t want to be intimate with you.
Some of the more detailed signs associated with this type of trauma include always seeing your relationship in black and white and never allowing any “gray” areas. You might also question your self-worth or find it difficult to be yourself and be close to someone.
It’s also not uncommon for adults who have experienced attachment trauma to have a need for control in a relationship. That often means needing your own space and independence, which could rub your partner the wrong way even though it’s likely just a defense mechanism.
How Can You Cope With Attachment Trauma?
If any of those signs sound familiar, you could be dealing with the lingering impact of attachment trauma. Thankfully, you don’t have to live with it forever. The first step is admitting what happened to you during those formative years of your life. That’s not always easy, especially since many people with childhood trauma work very hard to “forget” what happened.
But once you’re ready to admit those things, you can truly start the healing process. Some of the best ways to move forward and deal with your attachment trauma include being honest when you communicate, connecting with your body, and developing positive connections.
It’s also a good rule of thumb to work with a therapist who specializes in the effects of trauma. Therapy can help you acknowledge your past without being consumed by it. A therapist will also help you learn how to process the trauma you went through and guide you through the healing process so you can enjoy healthy, fulfilling relationships in the future.
If you feel you were a victim of attachment trauma, it’s never too late to get the help you deserve. Feel free to contact me to set up an appointment soon for trauma therapy.