Giving Yourself Permission to be Intimate

Intimacy comes easily for some people. They want to be as close as possible to their partner, and they have a relationship that fosters such intimacy. While you might want to be more intimate, maybe it hasn’t always been so easy for you.

Maybe you’ve struggled to give yourself permission to be intimate in your relationship. There are underlying issues that could stem from childhood or past relationships. Your experiences throughout life shape who you are today. Unfortunately, if you have your guard up when it comes to intimacy, that could cause issues in your relationship.

So, what can you do? How can you allow yourself to be intimate and find comfort and enjoyment in it, too? 

Don’t Give Into Stereotypes

Far too often, people think intimacy only resides in the bedroom. When you assume that to be true, you’ll end up putting a lot of pressure on yourself. You might start feeling like you have to perform or that your partner will hold certain expectations you have to meet. 

In reality, intimacy starts outside of the bedroom. Intimacy and sex don’t always have to go hand-in-hand. Cuddling is intimacy. Giving your partner a genuine compliment is intimacy. Sending a romantic text message, cooking a special dinner, or holding their hand are all forms of intimacy.

You can decide what you’re comfortable with and work on different forms of intimacy outside of the bedroom. Doing so can eventually make you more comfortable and confident in the bedroom. Start small, don’t put pressure on yourself, and perform the actions that come naturally to you when you think about the love you have for your partner. 

Practice Open Communication

Have you ever considered why you might have difficulties being intimate? Again, maybe you’ve had bad experiences in the past. Maybe you even have memories that stem from childhood impacting your attachment style. 

If you can’t get to the bottom of those issues yourself, consider talking to a mental health professional about them. But, if you do have an idea of what’s causing your intimacy issues, open up to your partner. 

Intimacy and vulnerability are close. Intimacy often requires vulnerability. While it’s not always easy to open up, it’s a step you should try to take with your partner when it comes to communicating your fears, your needs, and your wants. 

You can become a united front on the issue by talking about your struggles with intimacy and letting your partner know what you need. They can help you work through any intimacy struggles you’re dealing with, so you can overcome them together.

Set Aside Time

There’s no question we live in a fast-paced world. That can be stressful and overwhelming at times. You might even struggle with the pressure to be intimate if you’re in a relationship. But intimacy can’t be rushed.

If you want to give yourself permission to be intimate, set aside time for it. Dedicate a specific time each week for you and your partner to connect. That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to do anything sexual. But, get rid of distractions, choose to take things slowly, and focus on each other. You might be surprised by how much your intimacy grows. 

If you’re still struggling with intimacy issues and are having difficulty allowing yourself to open up the way you want to, don’t hesitate to reach out for help through relationship counseling. You don’t have to figure out the root cause of the issue on your own. Together, we can not only work through that underlying issue but develop even more healthy ways to build intimacy and allow yourself to be who you truly want to be.