How to Set Realistic Expectations For Your Relationship

Having expectations for your relationship is important. It paves the way to creating healthy boundaries and can make you a more communicative couple. But it’s even more important that those expectations are realistic.

While we all might want the Hallmark movie romance or friendships, it’s not fair to hold yourself or your partner to unrealistic standards only found on movie sets.

So, how can you make sure you’re setting realistic expectations for your relationships? How can you create expectations that will cause your relationship to strengthen rather than unrealistic ideas that could break it down? 

Understand Your Needs

The first step in setting realistic expectations for your relationship is to understand what your expectations really are. Those expectations should be based on your needs and then your wants. Think about what you really need and from your relationship as a whole. Are you someone who requires a lot of communication? Do you know your love language? Do you like a lot of freedom and personal space?

Furthermore, what are your core values, and how important is it that they are a part of your relationship? When you consider those needs and what they mean to you, you’re more likely to keep your expectations realistic and grounded. 

Communicate Clearly

Once you have a firm understanding of your needs, make sure you communicate them clearly. They can’t come close to meeting your expectations if you don’t lay them out honestly. 

Take the time to explain why certain expectations are important to you so it doesn’t seem like you’re just rattling off a list of demands. When someone knows why you feel a certain way and why certain things matter, they’re more likely to meet your needs. 

Additionally, make sure your expectations aren’t one-sided. If you’re expressing your needs and expectations, it’s only fair to listen to theirs, too. It’s worth having a few conversations so you can make sure both of your needs are fully heard and understood. Sometimes, simply talking about those needs can bring you closer, and it clears up any gray areas in the relationship.

Be Flexible and Open to Change

While you shouldn’t have to change your core values to appease someone, you should be willing to compromise on some things. Relationships require compromise to work effectively; that’s why it’s so important to consider your needs before you bring up your expectations.

Where are you willing to be flexible? How can you meet in the middle? It’s not realistic to assume they will adhere to all of your expectations if you aren’t willing to do the same or if you aren’t willing to compromise on some things. 

Also, you might find that your expectations shift over time. That’s normal in a long-term relationship. So, don’t make it a one-time conversation. Your expectations should be something you both bring up regularly, especially if you notice changes in the relationship that are going against your needs. 

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

We are imperfect people. While clear communication is important, it doesn’t mean you’ll always meet each other’s expectations perfectly—no matter how realistic they are.

If they do something that’s the opposite of what you’ve previously talked about, cut them some slack. You’ll probably drop the ball at some point, too. It happens in relationships, and it gives you the opportunity to work through things and argue effectively, so you can become stronger together. 

Realistic expectations in a relationship are a good thing. Make sure you’re setting them for the right reasons, and keep an open mind as you navigate what they look like for you.

Don’t hesitate to reach out to learn more about relationship counseling.